Tonight, I got that now famous Windows scam call. Here goes the play-by-play, as best as I can recall.

Time: 6:43pm Atlantic Standard Time. (Try to picture the clock from 24 here…)

‘Riiiiinnnnnggggg…. Riiiinnnnnnggggg’

Me: Hello?

(Nothing for 10 seconds)

Me: Hello??

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Lich (Lady caller, with Indian accent)

Me: (Mr. Lich? like in Warcraft or something) I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number.

Caller: umm, can I speak to the owner of 506-555-1212* (*not my real number)

Me: Speaking

Caller: Sir, I am calling from technical support, your computer is infected… blah blah blah… memory… files… virus… hard drive… internet…yadda yadda yadda** (** I bunch of meaningless technical babel meant to confuse most people)

Me: Oh my, and you are calling to help me?

Caller: Yes

Me: Ok, please go ahead.

Caller: Please turn on your pc

Me: Ok

At this point, I start a remote session to my Fedora 14 server, that I use for web design, ftp, and downloading files into a ‘safe’ zone. I wait 1-2 minutes to fake a slow start up… For reference, this is what my ‘Start’ button looks like in KDE.

Me: Ok, my computer is on

Caller: Down in the lower left hand corner, can you please to click on the Start Options button

Me: Ok, the one with the letter ‘F’ on it?

Caller: Yes, the Start Options button.

Me: In the lower left with the ‘F’ on it

Caller: No sir, with the Windows logo on it

Me: Mine has an ‘F’, like the Fedora logo

Caller: Sir, you have Windows?

Me: No, I have Fedora

Caller: Please hold sir.

(Put on hold for a minute)

Caller: Sir, so you have Fedora as your browser in Windows, right?

Me: No, I’m pretty sure the Fedora is my operating system

Caller: It is not Windows?

Me: No, I’m pretty sure it’s Linux.

Caller: ummm… please hold

(Put on hold again… really?)

Caller: So, you don’t have Windows?

Me: No, I use Fedora, and it is Linux

Caller: I have never heard of it (Me: What???? never heard of Linux? Fedora? WTF!!!)

Me: You can look it up at fedoraproject.org

Caller: Ok, thank you sir, fedoraproject… I can not help you with your computer, please have a good day.

Me: You too, and good luck.

‘Hang Up’

Hahaha, scam fail!
Now to prepare for the next round… Windows XP virtual machine, here I come!